Wild, /wīld/. (adj). 1. (of an animal or plant) living or growing in the natural environment; not domesticated or cultivated. 2. uncontrolled or unrestrained, especially in pursuit of pleasure.
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“uncontrolled or restrained, especially in the pursuit of pleasure.”
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It was the second semester of my Sophomore year, and I had just been diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder and Depression. What a way to start a blog post, huh?
Some days were okay, but some days were really, really bad. I wasn’t happy — and more importantly, I wasn’t myself. I was focusing all of my energy into trying my hardest in school, mostly so I could avoid the thoughts going on in my head; some really dark thoughts. Most of the end of my sophomore year was like this, and then came the summer.
It was going to be the first summer I spent in Boulder, and I was terrified. None of my friends were staying around, and I was stuck in a nannying job where the kids made me leave each day promising myself I’d never have kids. I was stuck in this haze - day to day operations felt routine, empty, dark.
And then I went on a hike by myself.
John Muir once wrote “Climb the mountains and get their good tidings. Nature's peace will flow into you as sunshine flows into trees. The winds will blow their own freshness into you, and the storms their energy, while cares will drop away from you like the leaves of Autumn.”
When I went into the wild, when I became wild, my perspective on life changed. This sounds incredibly cliche, but it was and is true. Going out into nature by myself was therapeutic, it helped me realize that life is beautiful, still, and serene.
With only the sound of my footsteps on the trail, I could release the dark thoughts. My mind was open and free, instead of closed and holding onto the storm clouds going on in my head. Coming to the summit of a peak or the end of a trail proved that I can conquer things, and I could overcome whatever was going on in my head.
Whenever I feel myself lost in the way of things, I return to nature. When I need a break from life and it’s constant to-do list, I return to nature. Whether it is a hike, half an hour in my secret hammock spot (don’t even ask!), or just a long trail walk with my dog, I know I can return to peace.